so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
