carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
why do cheetos always look like penises
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
