So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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