before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
