I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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