quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
