I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
