I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize