So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
