and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
