i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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