Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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