im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
