Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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