i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Damn victory sex feels great
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
