Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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