He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
