3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
