he shaved USA in his pubs
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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