i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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