Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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