yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
