WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize