I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
