he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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