I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
