All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
