i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
