Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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