I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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