i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
