and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
