So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize