I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
