Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
