smell my finger.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
