I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
