Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
