Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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