apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Drake has all the answers
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize