somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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