I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
