Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
