thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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