I wish I could teleport
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
