It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize