There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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