I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
