My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am midnight drunk by noon
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
