I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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