Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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