I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
