I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
