Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
