My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
