too bad you live with your parents still
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
In America we eat man semen.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
