Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
