Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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