I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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