Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
should my penis look like a turkey
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
