I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize