your parents love me but you hate me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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