Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Farmville is her only friend.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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